FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MORE TIGER WOODS JOKES
5.The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."
4.Tiger’s wife has a good excuse: She had to play a bad lie.
3.What's the difference between an Escalade and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
2.Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
1.Tiger had to leave the house early Friday morning…he had a 2:30 tree time.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TODAY’S BEST TIGER WOODS JOKES
5.So, let me get this straight: The guy is a millionaire who plays golf all day and sleeps with a Swedish supermodel, and he’s still not happy?
4.His wife was upset he was using his putter on a different hole
3.When they say he really knows how to swing, they aren’t kidding
2.Well, that’s what he gets for letting someone else wash his balls
1.Gee, I guess he should have used a driver.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TODAY’S BEST TIGER WOODS JOKES
5.So, let me get this straight: The guy is a millionaire who plays golf all day and sleeps with a Swedish supermodel, and he’s still not happy?
4.His wife was upset he was using his putter on a different hole
3.When they say he really knows how to swing, they aren’t kidding
2.Well, that’s what he gets for letting someone else wash his balls
1. Gee, I guess he should have used a driver.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HOW TO TELL IF A VETERAN IS FAKE
5.Claims to have been involved in the battle of Daquiri at Hop Sing Ridge.
4.One of the medals he’s wearing is peeling, exposing the chocolate underneath
3.He tells you he retired at the rank of Luftwaffe
2.Relates hilarious stories about his POW experience in Stalag 13 and that goofy guard Schulz.
1.Seems to currently be serving under the influence of Captain Morgan.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS
5.Mash potatoes are white. Spackle is white. Coincidence? I think not.
4.Find out if your mother was right about those starving kids in Indonesia she was always pratteling on about.
3.Explain to the kids that only the small-minded refuse to think of gravy as a sports beverage.
2.Two Words: Cranberry Wrestling.
1.Head down to the homeless shelter and give them to the 131st guy in line.
5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THINGS THE FUTURISTIC FLORIDA UNIFORMS CAN DO
5. Airbag helmets save Tebow in case of collision with teammate’s knee
4. The rest of the team gets gloves, Spikes gets mittens.
3. Special coach’s shirt repels SEC fines.
2. They’re so powerful, they make a touchdown worth 8 points
1. Quarterback uniform has special pocket for second Heisman
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SIGNS YOUR PILOT IS DRUNK
5. As you get on the plane, you see him crawling out of one of the overhead compartments.
4. Attempts to moon another plane on take-off.
3. Keeps drunk-dialing the control tower and blubbering about his ex-girlfriend.
2. Asks the Stewardess to bring him-quote-"A mess of Krystal cheeseburgers and a big Coke".
1. Breaks into uncontrollable giggling every time he uses the word "cockpit".
SONGS ON THE NEW BOB SEGER CHRISTMAS ALBUM
5. Roll Me Away in a Manger
4. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire Down Below
3. The Hollywood Night Before Christmas
2. Like a Jingle Bell Rock
1. Silent Night Moves
5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LEAST SCARY HORROR FILMS
5. Drunkenstein
4. The Slob
3. Children of the Chickpeas
2. Invasion of the Body Surfers
1. Heckraiser
PART II
Five Things you Need to Know About Child Car Seats to Stay Away From:
5. Playschool’s "Li’L Whippersnapper"
4. Cosco’s "Baby Boomerang"
3.Fisher Price’s "RugRat Rocket"
2. Hasbro’s "Small Fry Flinger"
1. Graco’s "Kiddie Kapult"
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SIGNS IT’S FALL IN NORTH CENTRAL FLORIDA
5. Festive Orange Barrels start appearing on Baseline Road
4. Sometimes you have to feel around in the pile of leaves to find your Vespa
3. The old lady in the car with the Iowa plates in front of you just threw it in reverse and is coming back at you.
2. The first appearance of turtle-neck tank tops.
1. The squirrels in Payne’s Prairie are blowing on their nuts.
5 MORE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LEAST POPULAR HALLOWEEN CANDY
5. Almond Melancholy
4. Bit O Mucous
3. York’s Peppermint Pity
2. Pop Schnapps
1.Marshmallow Peeps
5 THINGS SIGNS YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM IS NO DAMN GOOD
5. Their pre-game diet consists of pudding and wine.
4. Nickname: "The Fighting Dust Bunnies"
3. Their battle cry is "Not in the face!"
2. They just noticed they’ve been playing all season with only ten men on offense.
1. They’re the Florida State Seminoles.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PET PEEVES OF ZOMBIES
5. Going to be blamed for resurrecting Woody Harrelson’s Career.
4. Had nothing to do with 1968 hit "Time of the Season", so stop asking.
3. Even after a long day, it’s redundant to suggest that your "Dead on your feet".
2. Shambling walk really murder on new shoes.
1. Tried out of Michael Jackson’s "Thriller" video. Didn’t get it.
5 Things You Need To Know About Dracula’s Pet Peeves
5. Still No Select Comfort Adjustable Coffin
4. Since that movie Twilight, the fanmail from tweens is out of control
3. Some agent at the IRS has trademarked the term Bloodsucker
2. That Francis Ford Coppola movie made almost no sense
1.Bet it all on the Dodgers and they folded like a cheap card table!
5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LEAST POPULAR HALLOWEEN CANDY
5. Baby Ruth Bader Ginsburg
4. Two Muskateers and a Guy with a Hacking Cough
3. Milky Discharge
2. Butterfingernail
1. Creamed Candy Corn
5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LEAST SCARY HALLOWEEN MOVIES
5. I Know What You Did Last Sunday.
4. Village of the Darned
3. Friday the 15th, Jason gets paid
2. Night of the Grateful Dead
1. The Texas Chainsaw Manicure
5 SONGS ON THE NEW BOB SEGER CHRISTMAS ALBUM
5. Roll Me Away in a Manger
4. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire Down Below
3. The Hollywood Night Before Christmas
2. Like a Jingle Bell Rock
1. Silent Night Moves
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